Across the Universe

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." -- Henry David Thoreau

Today is my day off so I'm spending it by appreciating music and films that I may have missed by being overly melodramatic and pessimistic about life. I have a lot to be grateful for and with every loss there are many things to gain. Things will turn around, so today I'm choosing to be happy.

I absolutely love Fiona Apple and have been in love with her voice and sound since the 90's. Somehow I missed this Beatles cover and I actually think it's good. (And I hate song covers.) The Beatles and Fiona Apple. Beautiful.

How To Be Alone

Homesick

I got back the 15th and I'm still exhausted (probably from the 16 mile hike I did the day before in addition to all the other hiking and walking around I did).

I learned a lot about myself and my life...both good and bad things. I'm not joking around when I say that I feel very fragile upon coming home from Yellowstone. I feel both rejuvenated and like my heart is bleeding twice as much as before. It's always hard to adjust to spending a week in a forest to going back to the city. I always come back saying, "Now what?" Its hard to bounce back to normality. I feel no reason to sit around and watch TV or really do anything else except go outside and walk around, but it's not the same. Everything is so...modern, complicated, and noisy. When you're surrounded by a forest for a week, life becomes much simpler and quieter. It's a weird adjustment. I can usually adapt to change pretty well, but I struggle with this kind of change. It's hard to come from a place that makes you feel so much peace only to go back somewhere that you're being slammed in every direction with stress, unhealthy distractions, pain, constant criticism, etc. It's exhausting emotionally.

I feel incredibly homesick for Yellowstone. The last day I had 2 hours to explore Yellowstone on my own before dark. It was an amazing personal experience. One that really impacted me deeply and will never leave me. It was incredible. I'll share some of the details later.

I'm going to write blogs that cover each day of my trip and possibly include some of the pictures I took. It's quite late now and I really need to get some sleep.

I'm Going Home

I leave early Thursday morning...

Despite the current fragility of my heart, deep inside I feel like everything is going to be okay. There are going to be major struggles ahead, but I'll be fine. It's time to really heal. I think this vacation will do wonders for my soul. I love you all and thank you for being my friends.

Semiotic Love

"Just say goodbye.
I'll live and I'll die
Hooked on a star,
Enraptured by the sky,
In love with a satellite.
I'll stare forever and love whatever breaks my heart."
(from 'Semiotic Love' by Blaqk Audio)

My New Boyfriend...

This is my new boyfriend named George Glass.

Chances are very few of you will understand why I have chosen the name.

When I was little, my uncle gave me his old acoustic guitar he had when he was in the Navy which he named "Crazy George", so it makes sense to keep up with the whole George theme.

So, why "George Glass"?
It comes from the Brady Bunch. There's an episode where Jan is feeling overshadowed by Marcia so she makes up a fake boyfriend named George Glass and goes to great lengths to make everyone believe she has a boyfriend when she really doesn't. Here's a clip from the episode:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwmSuaK_j5I

I'm as single as one can get, so I figured to make light of my pathetic love life, I would name my camera George Glass and call it my boyfriend. :)

I've actually had my camera for awhile now and I'm in love with it. I use it everyday and I am so excited to take it with me to Yellowstone.

By the way, I leave in 16 days! I'm psyched! I spent the day planning the trip and going through all my clothes to figure out what I should pack since the weather is so unpredictable in June and you have to be ready for just about anything (blazing heat, hot, warm, cold, freezing, arctic winds, rain, snow, etc). Ah, the anticipation is killing me. I'm too excited to get out of here.

Why my dog has more personality than your child...

(Bear as a puppy...he may look innocent, but he's NOT!)

My current dog is 3/4 Yorkshire Terrier, 1/4 Toy Poodle...also known as a Yorkie Poo. His name is Bear. He is perhaps the biggest spoiled brat on earth, but I love him to death.

He has so much personality and it's almost surprising that he's a dog and not a person. Here are several reasons why my dog has more personality than your child:

** He doesn't really bark, he squeaks. Though its more like a deadly high pitched squeal and he has different squeaks depending on what he wants.

** He likes to chase birds and snakes and the birds like to tease him. The snakes aren't so lucky because Bear picks them up in his mouth and shakes them. One time he shook one so hard the head flew off.

** He likes to bring grasshoppers in the house to play with them. One day he brought 5 grasshoppers in the house and they were jumping all over the place while he chased them.

** He has a stuffed animal that he likes to hump, but if you catch him doing it he gets really embarrassed.

** If you hit anyone, he will protect the person being hit. If you're the one hitting, he will bite you pretty hard.

** If you sniff anything that he wants, he'll get pissed and try to bite you. This is especially true with food. I do this to tease him, but he almost bit my face. My sister once sniffed her own sandwich and he bit her cheek.

** When my mom is gardening, he watches her very carefully and imitates her. He helps her dig holes and bury stuff, patting down the dirt and everything.

** He prefers to drink water out of a glass because everyone else in my family does. If you have a glass of ice water, he will squeak non stop until you let him have your ice cubes.

** Sometimes he sits by the freezer because he wants to eat some ice cubes.

** We can't say the word "walk" without him freaking out and grabbing his leash.

** He's deathly afraid of bikes and windshield wipers.

** He doesn't like men at all, but he likes certain ones A LOT. He protects us girls from boys. If a guy hugs a girl around him, he freaks out.

** When my dog is playing, he has a very menacing growl, but his wagging tail gives him away. If you didn't know that he was excited, you would think he was about to bite your face off.

** When you corner my dog when he's playing with you, he digs his back leg into the ground and kicks it back into the air like a bull does when its about to charge you. It's so funny.

** He LOVES to dig around and bury stuff in the sandbox. We have found the funniest stuff buried in there...old sandwiches, candy bars, flip flops, underwear, plastic bags, etc.

** Do not skip around my dog...it pisses him off. He will bite your ankle. (We skip in front of him all the time just to tease him)

** If my dog wants you to play with him, but you ignore him, he will wrap his arms around your leg until you pay attention to him. If you try to walk away, he'll do it again and again until you are so annoyed that you give in.

** My dog is very particular about how things look in a room, if you change something drastically, he gets nervous and barks at what changed. One time my sister randomly stacked a bunch of folded towels on a chair and my dog noticed and barked at them until she moved them. He stopped and was fine.

** Anytime you leave him, he puts on a whole drama queen show... he'll turn his back to you and refuse to look you in the eye and then slow turns his head around with the saddest look in the world. He's such a drama queen.

** If he does something bad, he always knows and his ears droop, he hangs his head and he'll refuse to make eye contact. All you have to say to him is "Oooooh Bear..." in a disappointed voice and he will instantly feel bad. He doesn't want to be considered a "bad dog".

** If my dog randomly walks up to you and sits with his back to you, it means he wants you to him him a back massage.

** If he randomly walks up and licks you then walks away we think its his way of saying "I love you."

** Many times he prefers to sleep on his back with his legs sprawled out in every direction. He is known to sleep in some funny positions.

** If my dog sees another dog on TV, he will bark/squeak at the TV. Same with windshield wipers. He WILL freak out.

** My dog loves to stick his head really far out the window when riding in a car. I know this the case for most dogs, but he really leans out there to the point where you have to hold him to make sure he doesn't fall out.

¤¤ When my dog farts and it makes a sound, he whips his head around and stares at his butt like "what the hell just happened back there?"

** If you leave napkins or kleenex anywhere, he will eat them.

** If we don't pay attention to him, he will sneak into our rooms, steal our underwear and run around the house with them because he knows he will get the biggest reaction from doing that.

** My dog will push a chair over to the table in order to get something on top of it.

There are a million other things he does, but these are the main silly things he does. Honestly, if he started talking one day, it wouldn't surprise me. He's a little too smart for his own good.