Thursday, June 28, 2012

The Little Things Pt 2

Today I went biking up the canyon and it was so much fun! Sure, Im completely out of shape and I was choking on all the smoke and ash from all the forest fires nearby, but it was still a beautiful day. During the ride, I noticed there were some monarch butterflies flying around the trail and said to my sister "Wow. I honestly havent seen one of those since I was younger." it made my heart smile. One of my absolute favorite childhood memories was of the butterfly migration. Every year there was always one day in June where thousands of monarch butterflies would pass through. One particular time when I was 4, they all flew down my street. It was like a wall of butterflies. I ran outside in the street and stood there with my arms stretched out as the butterflies flew all around me. Their wings lightly flapped against every part of me, including my face. It was the greatest moment of my life at that point. I recalled that memory while riding and it made me smile. I had only seen maybe 3 butterflies along the trail instead of thousands, but it made me happy. My sister and I had probably been riding for another mile and a half when I saw another monarch butterfly flying around the trail. I said "I love this! It makes me so happy to see these butterflies." As soon as I said that, the butterfly started following my sister and I and weaving around us. And then it flew really close to me and flapped it's wings against my arm and then landed on my shoulder. It stayed for only 4 seconds but it made my entire day. It was perfect in every way. I dont think Ive smiled that much in awhile.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Silence

Today after work I came home, I changed into a tank top and shorts (I NEVER wear shorts) and sat outside in the sun for the hell of it. I honestly cannot remember the last time I had a chance to just sit in the sun and really appreciate that tingly feeling of sun's warmth on my skin. I closed my eyes, listened to the wind in the trees, and focused on everything that was happening in the present moment. It was great and extremely relaxing. I usually despise the sun, so it was odd for me to do this.

I have always tried to meditate and haven't been able to do it for very long without becoming overwhelmed by the amount of thoughts racing around in my mind. I really need to set aside about 5 or 10 minutes a day to sit in silence although it can be rather frustrating to me. It makes all the difference in the world to feel that relaxed, even if it only lasts a minute and fades as quickly as the relaxation came upon me. For me, beginning meditation is kind of like inviting my anxiety to kick my ass. There always comes a point in my meditation practice where the anxiety completely takes over me where I say, "Well, fuck this" and give up. I know it's good for me to face that anxiety. There is something about silence that makes the raging shit storm in your head seem much worse. However, it's probably better to face your demons then spend your life trying to run from them. I'm learning that while it is incredibly disheartening to find out how screwed up I really am, it's better to be aware of my weaknesses and work on them. I just need to remember to take baby steps instead of focusing on the giant list of everything that is completely wrong with me. I should emphasize the things that I do right - however small THAT list may be in my mind, it really is so much better to focus on my potential instead of focusing on the things I cannot do.

On an unrelated note, the moon looks absolutely beautiful tonight. However fragile meditation makes me, leave it to the moon to heal me a little. <3

Monday, June 11, 2012

99 Things

I stole this from Jamie's (my sister in law) blog. You should check it out: http://juststuffforfun.blogspot.com/.

99 things.
Bold the things that you have done on the list.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13Watched a lightening storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23Taken a sick day when you’re not ill (does faking sick when you're a kid count?)
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing 
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie 
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Got a tattoo
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit 
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

I've done 35 out of 99 things on this list... hmm... I really need to get on the ball and complete some stuff on my bucket list. A lot of stuff I want to do in my life is on this list.

What have you completed on this list?