The Little Things Pt 2

Today I went biking up the canyon and it was so much fun! Sure, Im completely out of shape and I was choking on all the smoke and ash from all the forest fires nearby, but it was still a beautiful day. During the ride, I noticed there were some monarch butterflies flying around the trail and said to my sister "Wow. I honestly havent seen one of those since I was younger." it made my heart smile. One of my absolute favorite childhood memories was of the butterfly migration. Every year there was always one day in June where thousands of monarch butterflies would pass through. One particular time when I was 4, they all flew down my street. It was like a wall of butterflies. I ran outside in the street and stood there with my arms stretched out as the butterflies flew all around me. Their wings lightly flapped against every part of me, including my face. It was the greatest moment of my life at that point. I recalled that memory while riding and it made me smile. I had only seen maybe 3 butterflies along the trail instead of thousands, but it made me happy. My sister and I had probably been riding for another mile and a half when I saw another monarch butterfly flying around the trail. I said "I love this! It makes me so happy to see these butterflies." As soon as I said that, the butterfly started following my sister and I and weaving around us. And then it flew really close to me and flapped it's wings against my arm and then landed on my shoulder. It stayed for only 4 seconds but it made my entire day. It was perfect in every way. I dont think Ive smiled that much in awhile.

Silence

Today after work I came home, I changed into a tank top and shorts (I NEVER wear shorts) and sat outside in the sun for the hell of it. I honestly cannot remember the last time I had a chance to just sit in the sun and really appreciate that tingly feeling of sun's warmth on my skin. I closed my eyes, listened to the wind in the trees, and focused on everything that was happening in the present moment. It was great and extremely relaxing. I usually despise the sun, so it was odd for me to do this.

I have always tried to meditate and haven't been able to do it for very long without becoming overwhelmed by the amount of thoughts racing around in my mind. I really need to set aside about 5 or 10 minutes a day to sit in silence although it can be rather frustrating to me. It makes all the difference in the world to feel that relaxed, even if it only lasts a minute and fades as quickly as the relaxation came upon me. For me, beginning meditation is kind of like inviting my anxiety to kick my ass. There always comes a point in my meditation practice where the anxiety completely takes over me where I say, "Well, fuck this" and give up. I know it's good for me to face that anxiety. There is something about silence that makes the raging shit storm in your head seem much worse. However, it's probably better to face your demons then spend your life trying to run from them. I'm learning that while it is incredibly disheartening to find out how screwed up I really am, it's better to be aware of my weaknesses and work on them. I just need to remember to take baby steps instead of focusing on the giant list of everything that is completely wrong with me. I should emphasize the things that I do right - however small THAT list may be in my mind, it really is so much better to focus on my potential instead of focusing on the things I cannot do.

On an unrelated note, the moon looks absolutely beautiful tonight. However fragile meditation makes me, leave it to the moon to heal me a little. <3

99 Things

I stole this from Jamie's (my sister in law) blog. You should check it out: http://juststuffforfun.blogspot.com/.

99 things.

Bold the things that you have done on the list.

1. Started your own blog

2. Slept under the stars

3. Played in a band

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disneyland

8. Climbed a mountain

9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightening storm

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

18. Grown your own vegetables

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept on an overnight train

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Hitch hiked

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill (does faking sick when you're a kid count?)

24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping

27. Run a Marathon

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run

32. Been on a cruise

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing 

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David

41. Sung karaoke

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

44. Visited Africa

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Been transported in an ambulance

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud

54. Gone to a drive-in theater

55. Been in a movie 

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies

62. Gone whale watching

63. Got flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma

65. Gone sky diving

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

67. Bounced a check

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten Caviar

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

77. Broken a bone

78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper

85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

88. Had chickenpox

89. Saved someone’s life

90. Sat on a jury

91. Met someone famous

92. Joined a book club

93. Got a tattoo

94. Had a baby

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit 

98. Owned a cell phone

99. Been stung by a bee

I've done 35 out of 99 things on this list... hmm... I really need to get on the ball and complete some stuff on my bucket list. A lot of stuff I want to do in my life is on this list.

What have you completed on this list?